If You Give Sweeney Todd an Mp3 Player
by Ghostwritergirl
Summary: The Title says it all
1. Chapter 1

**If you give Sweeney Todd an MP3 Player **

Sweeney Todd sat casually in my room, for some unknown reason. He came upon my MP3 player, screen lit up scrolling by itself through my songs (my Mp3 player has a mind of its own) Sweeney was confused, he had never seen anything like it before. But, he did recognize the ear plugs and carefully put them in his ears unsure of what to do next. There was this sideways triangle that looked promising. He pressed it.

"YOUR GONNA BE POPULAR!" the Mp3 blared and Jack cringed.

What was this device from hell used for? Torture?

He pressed a random button and was relived when the Mp3 when momentarily silent, then he heard a strange noise omitting from the machine. What was it doing?

"Good Night my someone good night my love sweet dreams my some " the contraption commanded, Sweeney paused, unsure of who was the some one was. He pressed the same button that had changed the song again.

"Past the point of no return…" it began in hushed tones.

Sweeney understood now, this…this…thing was used for musical entertainment! How…how…strange. Sweeney listened calmly to his song until it was finished, dreading what was next.

"GOOOOOOOOOOD NEEEEEEWWWWWWWS" the MP3 shrilled.

Sweeney waited to hear the good news.

"SHE'S DEAD!" the MP3 declared.

Who was dead?

"THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!"

Who was the witch of the west?

"THE WICKEDEST WITCH THERE EVER WAS!"

What?

"THE ENEMY OF ALL OF US HERE IN OZ!"

Oz?

"IS DEAD! GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!"

He already knew that! He pressed the button that had changed the songs before.

It started innocently enough with the sound of clapping then what appeared to be a sweet voice came on quietly with a little static "The French are glad to die for love."

Sweeney found that insulting but waited for her too go on...Suddenly the music grew loud, Jack tried to change the song but it wasn't working!

"A KISS ON THE HAND MAY BE QUITE CONTINETAL BUT DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND!" the voice shouted.

Sweeney wrestled with the machine until it changed songs.

"Thank God" he muttered as he waited for the oncoming torture.

It was quiet, Sweeney barely caught the words.

"Pop. Six. Swish. Uh-uh. Cicero. Lipshitz."

Sweeney didn't wait for it to go on, he changed the song.

"No one mourns the wicked" the thing whispered.

Sweeney sighed, not this song again. But it was different it was whispered this time.

"Now at last she's dead and gone, now at last there's joy throughout the land."

Hmm, this wasn't that bad there was even pretty music in-

"GOOD NEWS!" screamed the MP3 ,Sweeney jumped.

"Good news" it whispered.

Suddenly a female voice came on.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But, because I knew you."

Sweeney swore he heard two people say 'because I knew you'

"Because I knew you" the original female repeated.

Two voices came on as one, "I have been changed."

"NO ONE MOURNS THE…"

The evil mob was back, Erik cursed.

"WICKED, WICKED, WICKED!"

Sweeney relaxed, the song was over but then the evil contraption changed songs. **By itself!**

,Sweeney raised an eyebrow. The voice whispered something Sweeney couldn't make out. There was a whole verse before the words became understandable.

"All I want is a room somewhere far away from the cold night air warm hands warm feet of would did it be lovely?"

Then another voice came on and sang and muttered something. Sweeney decided he had quite enough of that song. He changed it. And recognized it. The first song!

"When ever I see someone less fortunate then I" the voice said coolly.

NO, NO!

"And let's face it who isn't, less fortunate then I?" the voice said sweetly, but Jack heard the evilness behind it ( I have a good looking face) he thought.

He couldn't change the damn song!

"My tender heart tends to start to bleed!"

Tender heart indeed! It was agonizing!

"Liar, liar!" Sweeney shouted at the thing in his grasp.

"And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over I know, I know! Exactly what they need!" the voice declared.

Sweeney slammed the device down but the voice only got louder.

"AND EVEN IN YOUR CASE, THOUGH IT'S THE TOUGHEST CASE I'VE YET TO FACE!"

Sweeney passed out cold, never once attempting to take out the ear plugs and end his torment. It was not until later that night I found him rocking back and forth and occasionally twitching muttering "popular I'm going to be pop-U-ler."

**Who will the MP3 get next?**

**The MP3 returns for Toby**

Toby strolled into my room, bouncing all the way. He threw himself upon my bed and giggled like the little girl he is. Suddenly, something lit up. It was…my MP3 player.

"Ohhh" cooed Toby, picking up the device and immediately putting the ear plugs in his ear.

The devil's contraption scrolled through the long list of songs, picking its torture device.

"No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears…" sang some masculine voice.

Toby wrinkled his nose is disgust whoever sung that song must be a totally fop. He pounded on the device hoping it would stop. The Mp obeyed his poundings and scrolled once again.

"Where's all mah soul sistas? Lemme hear ya'll flow sistas!"

Toby didn't understand any of those words, but assumed it was some tribal ritual. He threw the iPod to the floor happily hoping it would change songs.

Suddenly, loud music made Toby squeal like a girl and jump.

"FIYERO!" cried some female from the iPod.

Tobywas genuinely confused.

"I am notToby" he muttered to the iPod, giving it a little shake, "I am Raoul"

"Eleka nahmen nahmen Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen Eleka nahmen nahmen Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen!" cried the women in distress.

Toby was frightened of women with issues so he threw the iPod in the air, letting it crash to the ground.

The device was silent for a moment, as if pondering what torture to come up with next.

"Ladies up in here tonight! No fightin', no fightin'! We got the refugees up in here! I never really knew that she could dance like this she makes a man want to speak Spanish!  
Como se llama, Bonita, mi casa, su casa Shakira, Shakira!"

Toby hopped up and jumped up and down on the bed screaming "Shakira, Shakira!" along with the iPod.

"Oh baby when you talk like that You make a woman go mad So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my body I'm on tonight You know my hips don't lie And I'm starting to feel it's right All the attraction, the tension Don't you see baby, this is perfection!" Toby sang along, this was his favorite song of all time!

The mp3 was not satisfied, Toby was happy and that was not its aim its aim was to instill false hope then crush it! So it bided its time as tobysang off key with dear Shakira.

The song ended, Toby fell on his back giggling (he happens to do this a lot). The device launched its master plan.

"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye" sang the iPod, Toby wrinkled his nose in disgust, what wench sang this hideous song?

He tried beating up the iPod to make it shut up, but it didn't heed just continued to sing. Toby lay back and sang "Hips Don't Lie" to drown off the terrible screeching (in his opinion)

Soon, the song ended and Toby relaxed.

"Finally!" he sighed, but then the song started up again.

And this time Sarah Brightman sung it!

"No!" Toby cried, falling to his knees, tears streaming down his face.

Then, much like Sweeney , he passed out cold. Where I again found him later. But, instead of offering comfort, he was unceremoniously flung out the window.

**Mrs. Lovett **

Nellie wandered into my room.

"How odd" she muttered, "I swear I could smell Sweeney's perfume…"

Suddenly, seemingly on cue, the hell device lit up in the dark room. Nellie flicked on the light.

"How odd" she repeated, picking up the device.

She turned it over and few time before putting the ear plugs in her ear. The device made a series of beeps, its maniacal way of laughing.

Then a song began to play, Nellie paused.

"Ev'ry day more wicked!"

Who were they talking about?  
"Ev'ry day, the terror grows!"

Nellie cocked her head to the side.  
All of Oz is ever on alert!

Oh God, she thought, not the Oz incident she hadn't meant to make that stupid brick road yellow!  
"That's the way with Wicked – "

Wicked was a strong word  
"Spreading fear where e'er she goes"

Fear?  
"Seeking out new victims she can hurt!"

"It was an accident" Nellie shouted, throwing the device down.

The device giggled, but Nellie didn't hear over her shouted. It changed songs.

At first there was this guy talking to someone, and then the music truly started.

"(How you like it daddy?)Would you do it from the front? (How you like it daddy?) Would you do it from the back? (How you like it daddy?) Fyna break it down like that! (How you like it daddy?)"

Nellie stared at the sadistic machine in confusion, what was this hell music!  
She threw it against the wall, it being invincible, bounced back and hit her in the forehead.

But, she had managed for it to switch songs. There was this noise, as if forwarding through part of the song then, it came on.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango. Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me."  
What kind of freak fest was this?  
"Galileo,galileo, galileo galileoGalileo figaro-magnifico"

Nellie hit the machine, but it continued on.  
"But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me  
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-  
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-  
Bismillah! No-, we will not let you go-let him go-  
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go  
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go  
Will not let you go-let me go  
Will not let you go let me go  
No,no,no,no,no,no,no."

Nellie had had enough! She attempted to pull the ear plugs from her ears, but the thing wasn't finished with her yet. It changed it's method of torture.

"You were once a friend and father" sang the iPod

"No!" howled Nellie , now this was pain whoever that was singing was horrible.

She hit her head against the wall, in a feeble attempt to end the anguish, but the demonic machine continued once again, flipping through its torture tools.

"No pido que todo los días sean de sol, no pido que todos los viernes sean de fiesta...Y tampoco te pido que vuelvas rogando perdón, si lloras con los ojos secos y hablando de ella."

Nellie shrieked it was that Shakira girl that Toby adored so much. She fell upon my bed, retching.

The iPod giggled again, imagine the sound of a furby. It flashed red as it went though the song choices again, going in for the kill. It fast forwarded to get to the perfect part.

"Something bad is happening in Oz" sang a man.

Nellie shrieked at the little device, "It was an accident!"

"Something bad happening in Oz?"

Nellie passed out from, maybe all the screaming and later joined her husband in the bushes.

**The Judge and The Beadle **

Judge Turpin and Beadle wander into my room, heatedly discussing who was hotter: Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.

As usual, the Mp3 saw its victims and lit up its screen to get their attention.

"Oh, pretty light!" Beadle crooned, picking up the Mp3 and cradling it, "Judge can we keep it?"

The Mp3 Player was outraged at this behavior, it was no pet! It was a sadistic torture device!

"Let's see what it has to say" Turpin replied, picking up one of the earplugs and handing the other to Andre.

The Mp3 was especially pissed off now, it pulled out its worst torture devices.

"Bombs are flying. People are dying. Children are crying. Politicians are lying too" sang the iPod.

Beadle and Turpin didn't know what this thing was getting at so they continued to listen.

"Cancer is killing Texaco's spilling the whole worlds gone to hell but how are you?  
I'm super Thanks for asking All things considered I couldn't be better I must say  
I'm feeling super No, nothing bugs me Everything is super when you're  
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?"

"What's going on" Beadle asked Turpin and thus began to cry.

The Mp3 cursed, it was too much too soon it decided to go easier on them.

"I am a sentimental man"

"Me too!" squealed Turpin .

"Who always longed to be a father"

Beadle glanced at Turpin seriously, "I'VE always longed to be a father!"  
"That's why I do the best I can. To treat each citizen of Oz as a son or daughter!"

"What?" Beadle was losing it now, what the hell was this guy talking about?  
"So Elphaba, I'd like to raise you high!"

Turpin looked over at Beadle and muttered, "Not that Elphaba business again, it was only once!"  
"'Cuz I think everyone deserves…"

Turpin didn't want to hear anymore about his ex-girlfriend so he banged the device until it made beeping noises and was silent for a moment.

At the mention of such vulgar language, Beadle being the more girly one, passed out. The iPod was furious but it bided its time while Turpin brought him 'round. These two were more fragile then that Toby guy! It decided he had enough play around. It was time to go in for the kill. It skipped a little of the song, he didn't want them to pass out too soon.

"Hey Rod, you'll never Guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me."

Beadle and Turpin smiled, this sounded familiar, the iPod laughed they would be getting it soon.

"That's very interesting"

"He was being real friendly,  
and I think he was coming on to me.  
I think he might've thought I was gay!  
"Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?  
Why should I care?  
I don't care.  
What did you have for lunch today?"  
"Oh, you don't have to get  
all defensive about it, Rod..."  
"I'm NOT getting defensive!  
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?  
I'm trying to read."  
"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.  
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"I don't want to talk about it,  
Nicky! This conversation is over!"  
"Yeah, but..."  
"OVER!"  
"Well, okay, but just so you know —  
IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY"

Beadle and Turpin smiled happily at each other, skipping around to the beat of the song and knocking over various items in the room.

The Mp3 was fuming, that was it! No more Mister Nice iMp3 . The device, forged by Satan himself, whirred and clicked.

Then…it came on.

"I'm not wearing underwear today,  
No im not wearing underwear today  
not that you probably care  
Much about my underwear  
Still none the less I gotta say  
That I'm not wearing underwear today!"

At the mention of…this…this...cruel act against nature Beadle and Turpin went into hysterics, clutching at each other until they fainted onto my bed. Of course, when I walked in later I was disgusted. I didn't know what to do with them. Nellie and Toby were STILL in the bushes and Sweeney was currently occupying the closet occasionally informing me that he was going to be popular, Glinda told him so. So, I dragged their two apparently lifeless bodies over to my neighbor's gate and threw them it. My neighbors have two viscous pit bulls who hate fops. I dread to think what will happen to dear Turpin and dear Beadle when the dogs awaken…

**Sweeney …again**

**I couldn't resist! It's not my best, but, oh well!**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Sweeney or songs….yadda yadda**

Me: Sweeney , really come out of the closet. My iPod is charging, so basically it is in a hibernation state.

Sweeney : I don't believe you!

Me: It's harmless really, it…it…doesn't know how to make friends!

Sweeney : I had to listen to a good witch tell me I'm going to be popular for hours, I think I have a right to be doubtful of that…that…thing!

Me: Sweeney you'll hurt its feelings (cuddles Mp3)

Sweeney : Are you sure it's safe?

Me: (look at iPod) Yes

Sweeney (comes out of closet) that's a relief-ahhhh!

TheMp3, smelling Sweeney's fear wrenched itself from it cord and sprung at him, ear plugs first. The earplugs lodged themselves in Sweeney's ear, nothing was pulling them out.

"I will break into your thoughts"

"Never" screamed Sweeney .  
"With what's written on my heart"

"What!" cried Sweeney, unsure of what the iPod meant.  
"I will break, break" the last word the Mp3 screamed, Sweeney joined in.

"HELP ME!" he cried, trying to pull the thing from his ears.

"Quiet down!" I said, fearing my parents would come in and check up on me.

Sweeney flung the Mp3 to the ground, but it didn't break only paused and whirred.

"Sweeney be careful that thing is expensive!" I sighed, hoping the little thing wasn't injured.

Then I could hear it from the Mp3 , the Buffy opening song thing. The guitar blared loudly over the earplug and Erik threw himself helplessly to the floor, attack the iPod.

I couldn't resist, I danced a bit the theme song. It's so good!

"I know I may be young, but I've got feelings too. And I need to do what I feel like doing. So let me go and just listen" the iPod sang, Sweeney cringed and looked up at me.

"Why is this on you…Sweeney" he asked slowly.

I shrugged, "My friend loves Britney!"

"ARRGH!" screamed Sweeney as Britney got to "I'm a slave 4 u" part

"I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it."

I leaned down and patted Sweeney on the head, "I think it likes you!"

"Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsical" said the iPod sweetly.

"IT'S HER!" cried Sweeney, I looked to the screen.

"It's just 'What is the Feeling?'" I didn't understand his pain.

"IT'S THE POPULAR GIRL!"

"Oh, Kristin Chenoweth rocks!" I said, jumping up and down.

"Just get this thing off of me" he mumbled into the carpet.

"Fine" I bent down but was repelled by the Mp3's mysterious powers!

The iPod changed it method of torture, I heard it giggle! I screamed and flew to hide under the covers of my bed.

I recognized the song.

"Oh, God" I muttered, it was the song my brother had put on my iPod.

"What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)"

Sweeney looked up slowly from the carpet, "What is the meaning of this?" he growled.

My head poked up from under the covers, "My brother…" I trailed off.

"Help me" he said pitifully.

I have to admit, I felt bad. I had to try reasoning with the iPod.

"Mp3 , come on, Sweeney doesn't want to play right now!" I said softly.

The Mp3 growled menacingly.

"Come on, let him go!" I said more fervently.

It changed songs, I dreaded what came next.

"I hate men. I can't abide 'em even now and then. Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a maiden rather, for husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother. Of course, I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father, but I hate men."

Sweeney convulsed, "I'm sorry, it was a long night! And there was so much Diet Coke passed around! It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

Then the Mp3 flashed and I knew it was going in for the kill.

"Sweeney, hold on I'm sure I can…"

"Jeepers, creepers...where'd ya get them peepers  
Jeepers, creepers...where'd ya get those eyes?"

I gasped as Sweeney passed out, ending is torment.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" I jumped up and hopped on my bed, singing along with it.

I heard a loud knocking at my door, then my dad's deep voice, "Stop making so much noise I'm trying to watch the game!"

I heard footsteps stomping down the hall. I pulled the iPod from Sweeney's ears and plugged it back in, giving it a kiss.

Then, I dragged Erik back into the closet and prayed he wouldn't be speared by my many shoes.

I opened the door to my room and skipped off, wondering if I should watch _Jeepers Creepers 2_ or _Interview with The Vampire_


	2. Chapter 2

**Lucy**

Lucy stumbles into my room after having an ordeal with my vicious cat.

"You-a stay away-a from my doggie!" she shouts for the "safety" of my room.

She notices sometime glowing on my bed and being curious she approaches it.

"What-a is this?" she asks aloud, as the Mp3 player scrolls through the list of songs on its own.

Lucy carefully puts the earplugs in her ears, waiting for the thing to reveal what it is.

"Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl!" the Mp3 declared.

Lucy was furious, "Are you-a calling me es Stupid Girl-a?" she demanded of the Mp3.

The Mp3 did not answer, merely beeped and flashed its light on a bit to blind the diva.

"Shut-a up!" she shouted, banging the Mp3 down the floor.

The Mp3 changed songs.

"There was a time when I would go walking backwards Round the world if you said you're mine."

These words made little sense to Lucy but, she smiled assuming they had paid her a compliment

"And I'd run blindfold down the Kings Road Monday morning If you'd just for once arrive on time."

"Lucy is-a never late, yew-a is always early!" Lucy declared, the Mp3 did not listen.

"But you turned into another liar And you came on like a new Messiah. So before you say what you desire I'm telling you now! I quit! I quit!"

Lucy let out an outraged scream! "Lucy is no liar!" Lucy skipped the part about coming on like a new Messiah part. "You cannot quit-a on Lucy !" she shouted at the black rectangle of doom.

The Mp3 let out a menacing chuckle, but Lucy obviously did not hear it though her screaming. It changed songs.

"Go and hunt her! And find her! And kill her!" shouted the angry mob.

Lucy being vain, automatically assumed they were talking about her. "You-a cannot kill-a Lucy!"  
"Good fortune, Witch Hunters!"

"I am no witch!" Lucy screamed at the little block of horror.  
"Go and hunt her! And find her! And kill her!" shouted the same angry mob.  
"I already tell-a you! You-a cannot kill-a Lucy !"  
"Kill the Witch!"

"Lucy es no witch!" Lucy was raging down, her face as red as her hair.  
"Wickedness must be punished  
Evil effectively eliminated  
Wickedness must be punished  
Kill the Witch!"

"Lucy is no witch!" Carlotta yelled again, getting lightheaded from the screaming she was doing.

The MP3 clicked, changing it's method of torture (I know I kinda already did the next song! But come on! It's Lucy !)

"What is this feeling so sudden and new?"

"Love?" supplied Lucy.

"I felt the moment I laid eyes on you! My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling, my face is flushing! What is this feeling!"

"Love!" said Lucy louder.

"Fervent as a flame, does it have a name! Yes-ah-ah-s!"

"Love!" Lucy shouted again.

"Loathing!" shouted the Mp3 back, "Unadulterated loathing!'

Lucy shrieked it outrage.

"For you face!'

"My-a face?" questioned Lucy , this was impossible!

"Your voice!" the Mp3 replied.

"My angel voice?"

"Your clothing!"

"My clothing!" repeated Lucy , looking down on her 'magnificent brown ratty dress.

"Let's just say, I loathe it all!"

Lucy was on the edge, the Mp3 knew this with its evil powers, and it went in for the kill.

"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!"

"No!" shriek Lucy , falling onto my bed.  
"Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!  
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.  
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go,  
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.  
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.  
Let them know  
The Wicked Witch is dead!"

With "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" playing Lucy fainted. She was thrown out my bathroom window; I think she landed on top of the monster machine outside. I gave to doggies to my dog-loving friend. You see I don't believe in animal abuse.

**Johanna **

Johanna, Sweeney Todd's daughter end wandered into my room, being the little curious thing she was.

"Oh, this beats a dingy barbershop full of blood and knifes " she muttered as she entered my room.

The Mp3, whiffing its next victim shone its light.

"Oh pretty colors" Johanna crooned, even though there was obviously only one color.

"I wonder what this does!" she exclaimed at she put the earplugs in her ears.

The Mp3 mused; this wasn't going to be easy.

"Wanna go for a ride?" asked the Mp3  
Johanna nodded her little head, but some other girl answered.  
"Sure, Ken!"  
Johanna cursed.  
"Well, forget it!"

Johanna was suddenly glad she had not taken up on that offer.  
"I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl  
Sad I have it, I should bag it  
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair  
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation"

Johanna knew it was obviously talk about Mrs. Lovett ; it had no affect on her whatsoever.

The Mp3 was furious, time to take out the big guns. It made a flurry of beeping noises as it fast forwarded.

"Nobody likes you; everyone left you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you having' fun  
(where'd you go?)  
Everyone left you; nobody likes you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you having' fun!" cried the Mp3.

Johanna listened with a distant curiosity, wondering why the little rectangle had such issues.

The Mp3 was angry, why wasn't this one cracking? The Mp3 didn't know what to do next, the girl was so emotionless that it was pitiful. It tried on last thing.

"Bravi, bravi, bravissimi . . .  
Where in the world have you been hiding?  
Really, you were perfect!  
I only wish I knew your secret!  
Who is this new tutor?"

Johanna hopped upon the bed, jumping up and down. She knew this song! She fell upon the bed and giggled for no apparent reason.

The Mp3 gave up on its torment and the screen faded to black. It was impossible to crack this one. Or maybe it was just low on batteries, I mean after all it didn't get fully charged…

Johanna hit the little black object and began crying. Sweeney , knowing that the Mp3 was dead leapt of my closet with "The Grimmerie" (it's a Wicked thing) and smashed Johanna on the head with it. Then, not even waiting for me to get home and have a jolly old time throwing her out the window.

**Sweeney : I'm sorry okay! **

Ignore. Anyway, here is the state of things.

Mp3 -getting charged

Sweeney -went back to his closet; I can hear him talking about Kristin

Toby -In the bush, maybe he'll wake up soon

Nellie -unknown

Lucy -I think the monster machine ate her

The Beadle and Judge Turpin -RIP, the dogs awoke…moment of silence

I lay on my bed casually typing on my laptop while listening to Wicked on my Mp3 . I nearly jump out of my skin when my closet door starts moving on its own, every horror movie evil human devouring thing running though my mind. Oh, then I remember JUST Sweeney .

**Sweeney: HEY!**

Anyway, he had FINALLY decided to get over the fact that an Mp3 had attacked him twice, forcing him to listen to Kristin Chenoweth's "Popular" and a variety of the other artists that lie dormant in my Mp3.

"Oh, its you" I mutter, busily clacking away at my laptop.

"Yes, only me" he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

There is a long drawn out silence.

"Are you still mad about the Johanna thing?"

No response.

"Oh come on, I didn't want to leave her there! She might have woken up!" he defended himself.

I rolled my eyes and CONTINUED typing away.

"I can see you are listening to that sadistic machine" he said, giving the Mp3 a wary look.

"Yes," I said, stoking the Mp3 affectionately, "I am."

Sweeney continued to eye to Mp3 wearily… "Do you think it's still…um…wants to torture me?" asked Sweeney uncomfortably.

"I doubt listening to Kristin Chenoweth is considered torture!"

Sweeney muttered something sounding to me like "going to kill that thing."

"Excuse me?" I asked, getting a little apprehensive…what was Sweeney planning?

Then, suddenly Sweeney through himself through the air aiming for the Mp3 I thankfully managed to roll away with my laptop (otherwise this wouldn't even be here)

"Sweeney what in Heven's name are you…Sweeney put the Mp3 down!"

Sweeney was making as if to strange the Mp3 , this is when I figured he had finally cracked.

"Must…kill…witch!" he screamed, very unlike him.

"Sweeney , Glinda is NOT in there! It's music! Nothing more! Sweeney! No don't throw it!"

Sweeney threw the little thing across the room, but as I mentioned before this particular Mp3 is indestructible, so it bounced to the floor without injury.

Then I heard it, it was my own doing. I had been listening to "Dancing Through Life" but it was now over. And any of you Wicked Fans know what song comes after "Dancing Though Life". Popular. The Mp3 had turned itself up to the loudest it could possibly get so that it could be clearly heard throughout the room.

As Glinda began to sing her little "bubble gum pop" song it had quite the effect on Mp3 opposite of what it usually did. Instead of being reduced to a blubbering mass his eyes glinted red, the "Kill Bill" song came from an unknown source.

"Sweeney , no!" I said, throwing myself upon theMp3 trying to muffle the sound of Glinda, "it's not the Mp3 ! I was Sweeney no! Put the Knife down! You cannot Stab an…Sweeney !"  
At this point I was lifted off the Mp3 and thrown (quite forcefully) upon my bed.

Sweeney was leaning over the Mp3 , knife abandoned, in favor for a wooden chair.

"I'LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER POISE WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS!" screamed the Mp3 .

"I. ...PROPER…"Sweeney started to hiss through his teeth, but he never finished. The Mp3 being the most intellectually intelligent of anyone in the room, wrapped its earplug cord around Sweeney's legs causing him to trip.

"DAMMMMNNNNN" Sweeney swore and he fell to the ground, the Mp3 an inch from his nose.

The Mp3 slapped him on the cheek before unraveling its cord and lying motionless on the ground.

Sweeney slowly got up, walked into the closet, and shut the door.

_**FINALE!**_

Ahh…it's been a pleasant week; the Mp3 has been in a happy hibernation. Sweeney has even come out of the closet once or twice to watch 24 with me. The Mp3 has actually been busy absorbing new songs, mostly that of Moulin Rouge. I finally figured out where Nellie had run off to, apparently she had gone off to buy some magic dark purple eye shadow.

I was throwing a random Sweeney Todd party (as all loyal friends do!) I dragged Toby and Johanna from the bushes, saved Lucy from the evil monster machine, and of course gotten Sweeney to come out of the closet. As for the Judge and the Beadle ….they…um…couldn't make it.

Toby, Johanna , and Lucy were still passed out on the bed; Sweeney and Nellie were as FAR apart as possible so they could eye each other warily. Some things will never change, I suppose.

I walked into the room with my dusty CDs, I think bringing out the Mp3 would be a little too soon for some of them especially Sweeney .

I flipped through the CDs, finally deciding on Moulin Rouge, my new obsession. As I put the CD in I noticed Lucy starting to stir.

"What-a happened?" she cried as she sat up, holding a hand to her forehead.

Sweeney glared at her, "Her Mp3 tortured you!"

They both glared pointedly at me, I threw my arms in the air, "Come on, it wasn't my fault!"

I ignored them and tried to listen to "Nature Boy", but there was a blood curdling scream. I spun around looking for the source of the noise. There was Johanna , woken up, and she was pointing to a smack cup of Hershey's Kissables.

"Those are my FAVORITE" she squealed, rushing over to the candies.

Sweeney raised an eyebrow as she cuddled the little bowl, "My precious!"

We pretty much ignored her after she started throwing the candies in the air and yelling the color out before catching them in her mouth. The sad thing was that she was saying the wrong colors. Yep, that's our Johanna .

Everyone's eyes went to Toby who was still snoring loudly and occasionally twitching and mumbling, "Shakira, Shakira."

"Well," I said awkwardly, this really wasn't going as planned, "How's about we go watch Sweeney Todd !"

Everyone cheered except for Sweeney , but we ignored him (as usual) and ran out to the TV. As the movie opened with There's no Place Like London scene, Sweeney walked in sulkily.

"What is it?" I whispered as he sat beside me.

"I don't like this movie."

"Why not?" I snorted, "You're in it!"

"So! They made me kill Lucy which would NEVER happen in real life!" he cried, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, but we all know _that"_ I said, rolling my eyes at Sweeney , "Or does this really have to do with the Mp3 ?"

Sweeney attempted to look incredulous; I shook my head at him and turned my sights back on the TV where he had just begun to sing.

My younger Brother (YES I KNOW YOU READ THIS!) walked up the stairs and gave us a funny look.

"Err…um…hi"He said before running frantically to his room, after all He thinks all my friends are weird and that no body likes me. Oh, and on top of that He thinks all musicals are old and stupid. Clearly, He is a sinner.

Suddenly, a loud thump from my room broke my thoughts. Nobody moved, something was making its way down the hall. OH GOSH! There it stood with those nifty little Mp3 speakers so everyone could hear the music. I gasped, everyone else screamed. I stopped and ran away like the hero I was, screaming.

"AH KILLER Mp3 !" I yelled as music began to play.

(Here you are Chicago fans, just for you!)

"Pop. Six. Squish. Uh-uh. Cicero. Lipshitz!"

Everyone scattered as the some mumbling came on and the chorus grew louder.

"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there! If you'd have seen it! I betcha you would have done the same!"

Everyone stared in horror as the 'merry murderesses' sung their parts.

"It's going to murder us, that song is a sure sign!" Toby came screaming from my room belatedly, his face was painted a strange yellow color.

"Toby l, why is your face yellow?" Nellie cried in alarm.

"That THING" Toby l squeaked, playing with his hair for comfort.

The Mp3 could do ANYTHING!

Finally the Cellblock Tango came to a close, everyone waited anxiously for the next song. And of course, we all know what the song was. Let's say it together now, 1…2…3… "Popular."

Sweeney's eyes quite literally turned a murderous red as Glinda's sugar sweet voice came on.

"Kill everything!" he muttered, grabbing a very 'viscous' looking green pillow and being to pound Lucy with it.

"You-a stop-a now Bennie !" Lucy screeched.

"Sweeney get off Lucy !" Nellie called, grabbing Sweeney's coat and yanking causing him to fall backward.

"Kill-e!" he cried, grabbing a Knife .

He attacked Nellie with much threatening mews and growls. We all knew Sweeney had finally cracked.

Sweeney !" I had had quite enough, "that is Sweeney !"

Now he had begun pounding ME with the Knife crying, "I AM NOT GOING TO BE POPULAR!"

So here's the state of things. Honestly, picture this. I'm getting beat up by Sweeney with a evil Paper Cutter , Nellie is yanking on his cloak, Lucy is crying on the floor, Toby is curled up in a corner muttering something about keeping his hair safe, and Johanna is still eating Kissables. And on top of all of that, Glinda is singing her sweet little heart out on top of her lungs.

Then, my father walks in. He surveys us for a moment, not seeming fazed that a man in a black suit is beating his own daughter with a Paper cutter, a women in an old fashioned dress is yanking on his cloak, a women in a humongous ratty dress in sobbing on the floor, a full grown boy is whimpering in a corner, and Johanna is now choking on a stupid Kissable.

No, no he does not care that Popular is blasting out of the speakers I magically obtained no, not at all. Here's what he says:

"Lydia , you and your friends take this back to your room, I want to watch The game

We all stop and stare, even Jo stops choking for a moment.

No, no my father's glacial gaze does not waver for a moment. "NOW!"

The Mp3 goes dead, Sweeney slowly gets off me, and everyone trudges back to my room in silence, the sound of the game ringing in our ears.

_**FIN**_

Wow, yeah I'm done! (You can only stretch this kind of thing out for so long!)

Okay CREDITS:

_(Shows in video camera style)_

**Me**: Sweeney !

_(Sweeney walks in and glowers at the camera)_

**Me**: Come on Sweeney ! Do it!

**Sweeney **: No!

**Me**: _(Pout-y tone) _Plwease?

**Sweeney**: _(rolls eyes) _FINE! _(Sweeney grabs me and holds his knife to my throat)_

**Me**: YAY!

_(Scattered applause is heard) _

**Me**: Now, Nellie !

**Nellie **: 'ello _(Flashes beautiful smile complete with little sparkle)_

_(Uproarious applause from gentleman in the crowd)_

**Me**: Brilliant,Toby!

**Toby**: Hello _(does slow motion hair flip) _

**Me**: Oh god, someone get him off stage.

_(One or two people clap)_

**Me**: Fine, now presenting Lucy!

**Lucky **: ello, ello! _(Does a flourishing bow before walking in for a too close close-up)_

**Me:** Ow Lucy! Off stage! Now Johanna !

Johanna_: (facing wrong direction) _Hi! _(Waves frantically)_

**Me**: Um, Johanna ? Never mind. Now the great and wonderful me!

_(Room is completely silent)_

**Me**: Fine, be that way. NOW the star of the show the Mp3 !

_(The crowd gives standing ovation as the Mp3 bows)_

A little credit runs up:

In (cough) loving memory of The Judge and Beadle . You will be…missed. I

Unplugged, and picked up the Mp3 , and turned it off. It had had enough fun for one night.


End file.
